GUIDE TO FRIENDSHIP BREAKUPS
As social creatures, humans thrive on connection and relationships. Friendship is one of the most cherished relationships we develop in life. It is a bond that is built on trust, mutual respect, and shared experiences. However, sometimes friendships end, and it can be a painful and difficult experience. It can feel you lost a part of yourself. Whether it’s because of a falling out, a growing apart, or simply the natural course of life, losing a friend can leave us feeling lost, hurt, and alone.
In this article, I will share some tips on how to get over the loss of a friendship and move forward.
We should talk friendship loss of more so that we can heal in better ways. You may feel broadsided by the loss, even if it has been culminating over months or even years. Close friendships feel like they will never end. We tell our closest friends more than we tell our partners. Some of us dream our friends will be at our wedding. Friends that we know will be there when we have a romantic breakup. Friends that we can call in the middle of the night to be by our side. But when these relationships end. Ouch. It can be really painful.
But when these relationships end?
Maybe you have had a friend ghost you. Maybe you just grew distance. Maybe your friend said some hurtful things. Maybe the friendship wasn’t healthy.
As a recovering people pleaser, I have made many excuses for friendships in my life. Telling myself they are just going through a lot in life right now or they didn’t mean those hurtful things. Nedra Tawwab, a psychotherapist, said it best, “Stop defending people when they are wrong, saying hurtful things, or mistreating others. Someone’s psychosocial history, trauma experiences or lack of healing are not reasonable excuses for poor behavior. You can love and care for people without upholding their wrongdoing”. This is something I talk with a lot of clients about. Friendships are sometimes hard, but they should not be hurtful or unkind. It’s okay to end a friendship that is toxic for you.
There’ are lots of reasons and the reasons rarely hurt any less, but it's helpful to understand them. Accepting the loss of a friendship can be a challenging process. It may involve letting go of the past and embracing the present. One way to do this is to focus on the positive aspects of the friendship and the lessons you learned. This can help you shift your perspective from loss of growth. It's also important to avoid dwelling on what could have been or what went wrong. Instead, focus on the present moment and the opportunities for new friendships and experiences.
REASONS WHY FRIENDSHIPS END
- Lack of communication: When communication between friends has diminished, it can cause the friendship to become distant.
- Time: Life changes and with that, time can become a factor. When one person has less time to devote to the friendship, it can lead to the friendship ending.
- Different values: As people grow and evolve, their values can also change. If these values are not in alignment, it may be difficult to maintain a close friendship.
- A disagreement: Friendships can end because of a disagreement or a dislike. This could be something small or something bigger.
The end of a friendship is normal, and it does not have to be a permanent goodbye. However, it can be a time for reflection and for you to reassess your relationships.
How to Know When a Friendship is Over
It is not always easy to determine when a friendship is over. Often this will take time and self-reflection to understand for yourself if it’s worth trying to mend or if there is too much pain to continue a friendship.
Here are a few signs that could signify the end of a friendship:
- Lack of communication: When communication has stopped or become unbalanced, it might be an sign to move on.
- Unavailability: If your friend is consistently unavailable to meet, talk or make plans regularly, it may be time to let the friendship go.
- Criticism: If a friend has become overly critical or judgmental, or if their behavior is taking a negative toll on you.
- Lack of trust: Without trust, a friendship cannot last. If your friend has broken your trust more than once, it is best to move on from the friendship.
Only you can determine if the relationship should end and if it’s the time to move on. Sometimes with enough space you can think more clearly about what you want and need in a friendship. It’s okay to decide that the friendship is no longer serving you in a way that feels healthy for you anymore.
Tips for Coping with the Loss of a Friendship
Coping with the loss of a friendship can be a challenging process, but there are things you can do to ease the pain and support your healing.
Here are some tips:
· Practice self-compassion: Be kind and gentle with yourself. Treat yourself as you would a good friend who is going through a difficult time.
· Engage in self-care: Take care of your physical, emotional, and mental health. This may involve exercise, healthy eating, meditation, or therapy.
· Try something new: Explore a new hobby or interest. This can help you meet new people and find joy in new experiences.
· Connect with others: Reach out to loved ones for support and connection. You may also want to consider joining a support group or seeking professional help.
· Give yourself time: healing takes time, so be patient and allow yourself to feel your emotions without judgment.
· Seeking professional help: If you continue to struggle to move on and find joy, don't hesitate to seek professional guidance. Counseling can help you gain a new perspective and manage your emotions in a healthier way.
When we experience a loss, it's important to acknowledge and validate our feelings. It's okay to feel sad, angry, or hurt. Trying to suppress or ignore our emotions can prolong the healing process. Instead, take the time to process your feelings. Talk to someone you trust, write in a journal, or engage in creative expression. The key is to find a healthy outlet for your emotions.
Getting through a broken friendship may be one of the most challenging experiences you face.
The end of a friendship can be heartbreaking, but it doesn’t have to be the end of the world. Acknowledging the loss, taking care of yourself emotionally, and giving yourself time to heal is essential to getting through it. Use the tips above and seek help from friends, family, or professionals if needed.
A lot of things can break our hearts, but can also create clarity in your life. I know it has for me.
With healing,
~Jennifer